I’ve been thinking a lot lately about blogging self-esteem which is how you perceive your worth as a blogger.
You can be blogging along, just fine. All of a sudden you suffer a setback such as lower stats or a campaign that falls through or a mean comment or email and all of a sudden, you are doubting your worth as a blogger.
Your Blogging Self-Esteem
It can be very hard to remember all the good things about how you blog, the post that went viral, the big campaign you got picked for, the good comments or when your stats went up for a while.
How do I know this? Because I’ve gone through bouts of it myself. I go through periods of not blogging a lot because I doubt myself as a blogger, wonder why I bother, and remember all the negatives instead of all the positives.
When you are struggling, take a moment to ask other people why you make a good blogger (asking other bloggers would be best) and make a list of all these reasons or comments. Try to stop comparing yourself to others and just do your best.
Self-Esteem Vs Self-Compassion
I watched a Tedx Talk by Kristen Neff titled The Space Between Self Esteem and Self Compassion. It’s only 19 minutes long and I recommend you watch it (see the video at the end of the post.) In the video, Kristen mentions a few things that I want to discuss briefly in the context of blogging.
Average or Above Average?
“It’s not okay to be average. It’s considered an insult to be average. What’s the problem with that if all of us have to be above average at the same time?”
I had never really thought about it much but when she pointed out that telling someone they are average or did an average job is NOT a compliment she was right. Your blog is average. You are an average blogger. Neither one of these sounds appealing does it? However with millions of blogs out there, we can’t ALL be above average now can we?
I’ve heard people say, I want to start a blog about [name topic] but there are already so many other blogs out there about the same topic, should I bother? Some people will answer that by saying that yes, you should because everyone is different and you might have a different perspective on the topic or cover it in a different way.
That is true but I think even if you want to blog about a topic and you aren’t necessarily covering it in a different way it’s still okay because there may be millions of blogs but there are billions of people. I’ve seen MANY posts on how to use Pinterest for example but that doesn’t mean a new blog about blogging shouldn’t cover the topic. There are people reading YOUR blog that aren’t reading the other blogs. YOUR readers want to know about your topic, or your potential readers.
You don’t have to be above average to be useful or worthy. You just have to be helpful or bring information to your readers.
Bullies Exist in the Blogging World Too
Unfortunately bullies exist everywhere, including in the blogging world. It’s hard not to feel down when another blogger makes a snide remark about you or your blog. It’s made worse by the fact that everything occurs online. People are less scared to say what they are thinking when they are hiding behind the anonymity of the internet.
What we need to remember is WHY bullies do what they do. Bullies bully to try to make themselves feel better. In the blogging world this means that a bully is trying to make their own self-worth go up by raining hate on others. This of course is not the way to go about it but in a world this big it’s going to happen. The best thing you can do is to train yourself to feel pity on the bully and learn to brush off what they say because you KNOW better. You know you are worthy.
Self-Esteem is Contingent on Success
Most people’s ideas of self worth have to do with how much success they have. That’s why you feel good when you get a campaign, make a sale, reach new follower milestones or have a post go viral. However that’s also why you feel bad when the opposite happens and you are denied a campaign, miss a sale, lose followers or have a small audience. It’s important to measure your success against yourself (aim to do better than you did last month) but also to realize that you are WORTHY even if you have a set back. Kristen’s Tedx talk explains the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion and why we should focus on the latter.
Stop Being So Hard On Yourself
Most of us wouldn’t dream of saying something like this to a fellow blogger:
“Why are you even blogging? Your blog looks horrible, you have no audience, your posts look like crap, your photos are awful and you can’t be consistent to save your life!”
Right? How many times have you said something similar to yourself? Under your breath perhaps? Why is it okay to talk to yourself like that but not okay to talk to others like that? Do you see something wrong with this?
When you start talking to yourself whether it’s out loud or in your head, stop for a minute and imagine you are being asked to give advice to a fellow blogger. Then start again.
Whether we call it blogging self-esteem or self-confidence or self-worth or self-compassion, I think we all need to give ourselves more love, empathy, acceptance, give and approval.
Watch the Tedx Talk by Kristen Neff
You can find out more about Kristen Neff at her website.